Sunday, April 13, 2014

There was a poem I read, one night.  I was told that it was for me.  
But something about the way that it read, something said that it wasn’t.  It was written the night before a plane landed, carrying a man who was coming home to the woman that he loved.
That night, I got a call.  Just a little after I read the poem, the phone rang.  It was her and Heart exploded with happiness and love,  ignoring the voice in my head that reminded me that I knew this call was coming, had SAID that this call was coming - when he got home.
And here I am, almost 2 years later, realizing that I’ve been waiting for that same call - from the same woman who wrote the poem, the same woman who blocked me from seeing her, talking to her.  Waiting for someone who can ignore me, until she doesn’t want to anymore.  Until she wants to come back to me.
Everything she wants - not to see or speak with each other, “space”, “time”…. These are the steps in the stages of grief, to get over the loss of someone.  To let go.  
I deserve better than being “invisible”, ignored, brushed aside.  I deserve to be valued and loved and held.  I deserve to be fought for, when times get tough, when the honeymoon is over and real life and all it’s intricacies set in, planting doubt and confusion.  And I deserve someone who KNOWS that they love me, that they want me - and is PROUD of it.  
She deserves the same - my heart won’t let me not tell her that.  And I know she’ll find it.  She’ll recognize it, when it comes to her. And she won’t have to fight it, think it through for years - when she recognizes her “ONE”, she’ll never let her go. 
If you’re reading this, I’m giving you what you want - whether you know that this is what you want or not.  I have loved you through everything, in a way that I’ve never loved anyone before.  Thank you for the lessons.  
"How lucky I am to have known someone so hard to say goodbye to." ~Unknown. 

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