Sunday, April 13, 2014

Return Trip - 13June2012

"You provoked my thoughts" beat "straight-up sexy" right out the gate.
I loved that she thought I was sexy, her sexy woman, but I’d forgotten that my words, my writing, could have an effect, too. That I am more than just the legs, skin, lips, walk that she liked so much.
I’d forgotten so much about myself, the last couple of years. It’s almost as if I’d begun to fade away.
But I’m remembering now. My strengths, my weaknesses, the power that I have in me, to inspire. I even stopped writing, stopped everything - that was my choice. I left it while trying to deal, trying to cope. That was MY doing. I’m almost ashamed to say that when faced with a choice between her and me, I chose her. But I didn’t see it as a wrong choice. I believed that putting my partner first was the right thing, the best thing.  That was how I loved her.  I wanted it to work, so I needed to deal and cope with and accommodate.  I did it because I felt that what I was coping with was important in the effort I was making.  Because the effort was important to me - enough, apparently, to leave behind the best of myself in the process.  I did it because I loved her with everything I had in me, heart-soul-body-mind. 
"I know you. When you’re done, you’re done - and you don’t look back. When you set your mind to something, you make it happen. That’s the woman that I know." -D.
It’s coming back to me, now. 
Tonight was good, it was healing, it was a big step in my journey. Thank you friends.
Thank you, Lord. <3

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